these are my jokes I hope you enjoy
1. This kid comes home to his dad
and he sez 'hey dad i had my first root tonight'
his dad sez 'so how was it? tell
me everything'
and the kid sez 'not right now,
my ass is still sore'
2. These three guys come into a
cab and the first one goes "lets all have a farting contest"
"that's a cool idea" the second
one said.
The first guy farted and it was
like a whisper. The second guy farted and the same, the third guys fart
was the same. "let me have a go" said the cab driver"
"o.k" they said. so the cab driver
farted and it was a whopper!
"obviously a virgin" they all said.
3. What does an Elephant use for
a tampon?
A sheep.
4. Why doesn't a blond like vibrators?
Chipped teeth
5. There were three blondes on an island, and
suddenly a genie appeared "I will grant you all one wish each"
so the first blonde sez "i want to be really
smart" so the genie turned her into a brunet and she swam off the island
then the second blonde sez "i want to be smarter
than that" so he turns her into a red head and she swam off the island
and the third blonde sez "i want to be the
smartest person ever" so the genie turns her into a man and he cross's
the bridge
6. One day this nun was on a bus, and this
punk came up to her and said "hey baby, want hard fuck?".
the nun screamed and rushed off the bus. The
next day the punk was on the bus again and he said "hey sweet thing, looking
for some hot lovin'''?" .The nun screamed again and rushed off the bus.
The following day the same thing happened
but the nun told the bus driver about the punk hassling her. As the punk
was getting off at his stop, the bus driver said "If you really want this
nun, wait at the central park on the bench, she usually reads her book
there at lunch. So the punk dresses up as jesus and goes down to the park
to find the nun reading her book. So he says "I am the messiah and am particularly
horny." So the nun says "oh jesus I will satisfy you." and they get down
to business.
When they finish, the punk takes off his mask
and says "ha ha I am that punk on the bus." Then the nun begins to take
her mask off and replies "HA HA I am the bus driver!"
6. Confucius say: man who walk through doors
sideways go to bangcock
man who sleeps with flat chested woman has right to feel low
7. How do you teach a blonde mathematics?
Subtract her clothes,
divide her legs, give her the square root, and watch
her multiply.
8. Why can't a blond count to 70?
69 is to much for her mouth.
9. How do you make a cat bark?
Dip it in petrol and set it a
fire.
10. How do you make a dog miow?
Put it in the freezer
and when its frozen saw it with fishing line.
11. How do you make a one-armed blond fall
out a tree?
wave.
12.Why don't they make blondes work at M.M.'s
factories?
They throw away the
W's
13. Do you want to know why all the cop cars
have been stolen?
Some aborigines saw
911 and thought it was a porche.
14. How do you sink an Irish boat?
Put it in water.
15. How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the hatch.
16. What's the simmularities of a washing machine and a blonde?
They both drip when they're
fucked.
17. What's the simularities between the Bemuda
Triangle and a blonde?
They've both
consumes a lot of semen.
18. One day on aa farm a chicken and a horse
were playing near a mud patch then the horse fell in "I'll go get the farmer"
said the chicken. He went over to the farm but there was no-one there so
he got into the farmer's BMW and drove off. He came back to the horse and
tied a rope to his leg then drove the BMW so it pulled the horse out. A
few days later they were playing near the mud patch again when the Chicken
fell in to the mud. "get the farmer" said the chicken.
"Don't worry" said the horse. "Just grab onto
my dick" as he said that he strenched over the mud patch. So the chicken
grabbed onto his dick and was pulled to safety.
The moral of this story is 'You don't have
to have a BMW to pick up chicks you just have to be hung like a horse'.
19. Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
Would you like
someone to find out you've ben fucking a chicken?
20. Donald
Duck walked into a chemist & asked for a packet of condoms.
"Certainly,
Sir" said the lady behind the counter, "& shall I put them on your
bill"
"NO WAY!"
replied Donald Duck, "What do you think I am, a Dickhead?"
There will be a new joke each day last updated
20/7/99